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by Morgan Osman
November 16, 2020
Boring but important information. Not here to lecture you but, nothing wrong with being informative. In more recent times people have switched to vaping. I think initially we all thought it was better for us. Healthy, no. I mean com on, it’s pretty obvious inhaling chemicals that are completely unknown isn’t healthy. We assumed it was healthier because that’s how they pitched it to us. Vaping allowed for a scent free practically discreet “cool” new way of getting your nicotine fix. You no longer had to go out in the snow to light your cigarette. You no longer had to leave the dinner table. You could even smoke it on airplanes. I became hooked to vaping from 29-until 3 weeks ago lol. This had been the absolute hardest habit I had to shake. Nothing has ever been harder. The thing is, I can always stop. I’m not sure how or why but, I can. I can do an 8 ball of cocaine one day and never see cocaine again another. I can smoke a pack of cigarettes one day and literally never smoke again. This didn’t hold true with vaping. Quitting was SO HARD. I started getting really bad headaches and nausea. I started smoking it less and less until eventually I just couldn’t anymore. I wish I had better tips on how to quit but, unfortunately this one was brutal. I don’t even know how I quit. Let me tell you, I swear, not being cliche, I’ve NEVER felt better. I’ll get into that later. Now let’s talk about the fun stuff - YEARS AND YEARS OF SUBSTANCE ABUSE! Whooo hoooo !
December 06, 2020
Check out my profile girls if you need a lash tech:)
November 24, 2020
Thank you for this post. And don’t be too hard on yourself for how you reacted towards your ex-boyfriend’s mom. Seriously if this is what this woman did to you, then she has no respect, class, decency or even basic human values. Why are you supposed to stay quiet and let that somebody treat you like trash when she metaphorically spat in your face? You did the right thing! And we all love you for that!
November 18, 2020
MORGAN my birthday twin! Leo’s really are so strong minded I resonate with everything you just said because I lived it and still am living it currently just like you said I do it when I feel like it. My doctor prescribes me adderall 40mg a day (kinda high if you ask me), ambien which you’re technically only supposed to take it for 2wks max to reset your sleep cycle but I’ve been prescribed it for years for my insomnia that I’ve had as a child, and xanax all prescribed by my one doctor. Not sure if this is all safe to take together anywho along with all the above I would do coke (started this when I got into bartending from 5star restaurants all the way to the members only portion of a strip club that is also a 5star steakhouse) during this quarantine it became an everyday thing when now it’s back to only weekends or when I feel the desire, molly (rarely) had a very bad come down on Saturday and that’s why I only do it once every few yrs (worst come down in my opinion), cigs, alcohol, like you said I don’t consider myself addicted and I can and have stopped everything cold turkey. When I did I had 3 seizures once each time and proceeded to take a CT scan, blood test, you name it. I went to a neurologist that told me it was due to quitting Xanax cold turkey so I’ve been scared to stop it too. In conclusion he basically told me I could die and you never know when the coke/xan Interaction could go bad. Since then I’ve moderated my use but I’d be lying if I told you I don’t do all the above “recreationally” —there’s a difference between depending on something and having a good time NOW. I don’t have any kids and I know this is my time to enjoy my life and get this phase out the way
I can relate to this post 💯% I did the same thing in my 20’s with drugs. I also feel I wasn’t addicted. I feel somewhat like it was a right of passage. (That may sound stupid) however, I’m older now settled with a family and feel NO NEED to do any drugs or drink. Been there done that!!!!! When I did party, rave etc…. I was young and hurt no one. I’m happy that part off my life fizzled out I learned allot also made incredible friends for life and memories.
I see ppl in their later 30’s now that never partied or did a drug get into it now and it’s a fuckin disaster. I’m glad that part of my life was done long ago. GREAT TIMES but NOT missed.
LOVE YOU BTW
sending love 💗 from Toronto
Finally got the chance to read this! I resonate with this so much. I don’t think you have an addiction issue personally because that’s exactly how I view my use as well. I’m recreational, I have the ability to cold turkey cigs. Fortunately, never got into vaping. Weed has definitely been the biggest thing to give up for me. Thank you for sharing your story. Definitely makes me feel like I am not alone in this! 💗
November 17, 2020
Thank you, Dear Morgan, I am writing you from Germany – :-) hope you are not mad about every person from Bavaria…
Really important distinction: no, you are not an addict, but you are belligerent in your use of substances. Many many many people relate to these habits.
The comment about you and your mother having a victim-abuser relationship is a form of trauma bonding, and a harsh reality we overlook about many of our relationships. However the mother child complex reminds me of the self-fulfilling prophecy; that we inadvertently end up becoming exactly what we despised or hurt us at youth.
Morgan, I’d love to read your natal chart and provide my interpretation as an astrologer. Just need your time of birth and the city you were born in. You are absolutely fascinating and magnetic in your life endeavors. Would be an interesting read, email me if you’re interesting
After 2.5 year battle I was able to fight my alcohol addiction. Drugs never got me hooked although just like Morgan I was living in Miami ;) but I became an alcoholic. Well it’s 3 years I am sober now. What helped me is a combo of tools – AA, psychology, esoterics especially, new life circumstances and much stress like being thrown out of the country and trying Europe and crazy European men (so can relate to that either lmao). All that leveled me up so much that alco didn’t just got my lifestyle, goals and my love for myself. And u know what, I know quitting alco was the hardest thing I have ever went thru (changing countries and surviving on my own is not nearly as difficult as fighting addiction).
And whenever I feel trapped by circumstances, or scared or stressed I tell myself – hey you quit alcohol yourself! You are one of that 5-10% who did it according to stats. If you were able to do tatt, you can do anything! And that moves me♥️
November 16, 2020
You are insane! In the best way possible… I always look forward to read your blog posts. You can tell you are not her for the bullshit and you extremely gifted with a natural flare and talent for story telling. PS I wouldn’t consider that addiction in disguise, you were clearly having fun and self aware enough to realise when that came to an end and a new phase of life began for you. All the love to you Morgan x
From someone who is dealing with alcohol addiction, thanks Morgan for being so vulnerable and sharing this with us. I really needed to read this.
No I don’t think you were addicted in my opinion. Ive also taken things in the past and connected a lot with this post. I don’t know about quitting or never taking anything ever again, for me this seems too much but I’m 24 so another age. I say the most important thing is to do what makes you feel good and also keep in mind take things with moderation. If someone takes too much things that can cause problems, but in moderation everything is ok. I also was hospitalised before, I’m glad you you had someone with you ❤️
You go girl! You bring me back to my 20’s and let me tell you – you are absolutely not addicted. I do and still do recreational drugs to this day. I can do coke one Saturday night and not touch it again for months. I’m 31 and the hangovers are real so I literally have to make sure I have nothing the next day. There are moments where I think damn I wish I was high right now & then I forget about it and move on. Def not an addiction more of an impulse if you ask me lol. So proud of you & love watching your journey! Xx
Wow, thank you for sharing. 🙏🏼 I was a stripper for 8 years up until Covid and I live in LA..and I have to say I’ve seen it all within this city.. everything you said about LA is real and it resonates. I’ve been realizing that this whole time I’ve lived here I was using drugs to dumb myself down to others and their low vibrational frequencies. I had some great times but mostly I hated being high, but it was a part of the lifestyle. I’d always make more money in the industry when I was self destructing and being reckless. I just want to say I really appreciate your honesty. I’m trying to stop smoking weed as I’ve used it as a crutch for my anxiety and it’s my last bad habit. I was using (coke, cigs, alcohol, norcos, adderal, etc. I thought it’d be a smoker forever until I stopped self destructive patterns one by one. I feel personally if you’re growing and spiritually aware you will be more able to quit the things no longer serving you. It takes a level of commitment most won’t understand especially if you’re doing it on your own with no outside help. I think it’s amazing you are using your platform to address real issues and speaking up on things most would never because they’re too worried about their brands, money, etc. You’re inspiring Morgan thank you.✨😘
Wow Morgan reading your blog takes me back. Reminds me so much of my 20s. I don’t think you have an addictive personality but you might have a bit of compulsive tendencies. I also did drugs and enjoyed it a lot (at first). Now I can’t even think of doing Mollies or any kind of uppers. I had so many bad trips towards the end of my party days. It was a nightmare. My reaction to the uppers was like poison to my body and that’s what got me to stop. My own body was rejecting the drugs. I would leave parties all the time and go home and suffer for hours until it got out of my system. I also got really tired of being around druggies. I started to see how fucked up and lost everyone was. I only do a very little bit Xanax now when I need it and drink once in a while. I actually ran into you one time at Pacha (nyc) in the VIP area. I was completely sober. I wanted to say hi but was too intimidated and sober lol. Anyway love this post. Very proud of you.
Similar story, my ex husband and I lived in OC back when the doctors wrote you a prescription for anything and everything. He recommended I take Xanax to sleep because I went to college in LA twice a week. So I did and I became dependent on that Shit. I took it for almost a year straight a whole 2mg before bed. When I started to get off I had to quit cold turkey for a job, that drug tested, horrible idea. I remember walking around seeing stars and knew I was on the verge of a seizure but thankfully never had one. It went on for a strong week. And finally my body was off.
The night sweating is the weed! When I moved to London around 19 years old, about 12 years ago lol, they had shit weed—(still do)and I didn’t know anyone except people from school. Coming from The Bay, where we pretty much manufacture it, was a huge downgrade, so I had to quit. And sweated every night for months. It was crazy! Waking up in a pool of sweat…..off weed!!!
To answer you question to your readers, I think you enjoyed the lifestyle and what the lifestyle entailed. You can’t hangout for days without being on drugs. The environment is the addiction. Add a friend, a boyfriend and that environment will last a long time. But the Xanax, yeah you may of a had a dependency, you have talked openly about it for awhile. And I say dependency because if you ask an addict if they are addicted, they will never admit to even taking the drug. I’ve walked in on very important people in Newport Beach with a rig in their arm, and they will look you dead in the face and say they don’t have a rig in their arm!
You’re not an addict, you’re LUCKY. Not everyone can weave in and out of drugs like this without suffering or rehab. I used drugs the same way and never got hooked. But alcohol, you’re right. It’s just as bad. I’m not an alcoholic but there have been times (namely, quarantine 2020) where drinking was just what I expected to do everyday. And it was hard to break that habit but I did bec my jeans were getting too fucking tight.
Props again for being so relatable and sharing your story! Keep em comin ⌨️
I had the same problem with the partying but I never felt addicted! I worked in night life stuff in LA where it was difficult to not use them.. felt almost obligated. Also had a problem with vaping, stopped recently for two months and regained so much energy!
I recently myself have stopped abusing adderall. I’ve been prescribed for years. Always had one of those shady doctors that would prescribe whatever I thought I needed. It was great for a few years then recently when taking it, I would be soo “up” and anxious I felt like I needed to drink to calm me down a bit. I couldn’t take just adderall anymore because it had gotten to the point where I felt like I needed a drink also and it was a vicious cycle so I just stopped. I was tired of being hungover because on addy when you’re drinking you feel like superman and can drink more than you usually would. Pharmaceuticals can be soo addicting for sure. But I definitely feel so much better not taking them. Thanks for telling your story >3
You’re amazing. I don’t think you had an addiction, because I also feel the exact same way and went down a nearly identical drug using path but I could always stop. I rarely do drugs now maybe maybe only once a year but just being in control of myself and having that power is awesome. When you mentioned recovering from Ibiza and the flight home being torture it literally brought back the same memories I was also hallucinating and throwing up for 3 days!!!!!! Insanity! Thanks for being so real, as always!
I also used many drugs for years just like this. I never considered it an addiction, I would try what I could and it wasn’t anything in particular. Just like in your story, I also just stopped because I realized my come-downs were getting unbearable and it got to a point where it wasn’t even worth it. Thank you for sharing your story!
Wow. Congrats Morgan! I to was a Xanax user. BAD. Had to come off and when I did it was TORTURE. I couldn’t even step out my house. Xanax is the devil and makes your life more of an anxiety filled world. Stay strong, and keep focused the good feeling will get better. Thank you for sharing!
I’m a smoker and I know it’s bad but I’m a mom of three boys and if it makes any sense I enjoy smoking, I enjoy the 4min break it gives me throughout the day. I stopped with I was pregnant with all three kids but on the way home from hospital belly and all i would make my husband pull over so I can smoke. I hate how it smells(especially now in the winter feel like it stays on you more) I used to love not smoking because I would still smell my shampoo and conditioner at night time but it’s not enough to make me quit. Yet its selfish
If god forbid something happens to me bc of this habit and my children are small. Double edge sword.
November 11, 2020
Thank you for speaking on this! I just started my sobriety “journey”a couple weeks ago and I cold turkeyd everything too!